Shabbat with the Cullens
by Gruppe Schweiz
Summary: Carlisle has a little disagrement with the teachings of his faith, so he and the rest of the Cullens try his great grand mothers way of life and become Jews for the week. It's actually just to help us learn Shabbat, featuring a drunk Carlisle.


I personally hate Authors notes with a passion, which is why I never write them. Gees how much of a hypocrite am I?! But this one is important and this story was just a fun way for my friend and I to learn the Jewish festivals. We don't mean to offend, so if we do I am sincerely sorry! It was written by both Vegetarian Vampire 17 and myself and I hope anyone who bothers to read it finds it mildly amusing as we both did! Feel free to R&R, but don't feel obliged. But I must say it is nice to have an email telling you some lovely person took their time to write about something you've written.

Anyhow, on with the tale.

Steph

* * *

Shabbat with the Cullens

"Jasper. Pop down to La Push and invite all the pups around. We need them to come round for Shabbat. Would you do that for me sweetie?" Esme cooed from the kitchen. Grumbling she said "It's taking for ever to prepare all this food." She paused "Which, we're not even going to eat… Why are we doing this again?"

"Because Carlisle had another… disagreement with G_d. Why they can't just live in peace I will never know." With that Jasper marched out of the door and sprinted off into the sunset.

"Right then girls, how's the cleaning going" Alice scooted around the corner in quite a fluster.

"Mother you do realise it already 5:13 on Wednesday, we only have…OH MY GOSH! TWO DAYS, 1 HOUR AND 6 MINUTES! HURRY UP OR WE'LL BE LATE. THIS IS NOT THE TIME TO BE FASHIONABLY LATE!"

"Yes, dear." Esme sighed. "So have you made sure that all the timers are set? We wouldn't want to have to turn the heating off now would we?"

"We don't need heating, we're vampires." Bella pointed out.

"Yes, but we're doing this the Jewish way and if all other Jewish mothers have to set timers then I'm going to as well! It's my way, or the highway Bella"

"Hmph. When's Edward getting back anyway? Alice keeps threatening to take me shopping! I am going to kill Jacob when I see him, what he was thinking becoming a rabbi I will not know! Just to draw out those stupid services"

Bella pulls out her phone and dials Edward's number.

"Shalom." Edward grinned from the other end.

"Edward...I haven't got time for this."

"Sorry, dear. It's just this whole synagogue atmosphere! It's so amazing!"

"Can I tell you about it, please?"

"Fine, make it quick!"

"Ok, well there's this thing at the end called the ark, and that hold the Torah scrolls, which are covered by a curtain called a parochet. It's in the direction of Jerusalem. Isn't that cool?"

"Whatever. Just get your sexy ass back here right now! I'm missing my Eddie-kins" Bella broke down in hysterics.

"Err...Bella. This is a holy time. Please refrain from using such err...expressions. But yes, I'll get back. Just as soon as they've recited the Shema when they remove the Torah." "Oh, and I can't miss the sidra, especially when all those rabbi's keep showing their tzitzits"

Edward...."

"Ok ok, but they read it with this really cool pointer called a yad. And then we say prayers for the state of Israel and the Royal Family. Not that I would particularly enjoy praying for the Volturi but there we go...Ah, I'm going to miss my kippah. It's so comfy!"

*clears throat* "I'll leave you to it then, but make sure Jacob has the 2 best angels follow you home. I wouldn't want anything to happen. Love you love!"

"We can sing Shalom Aleichem when I get home"

"Of course, Eddie. Just come back quickly. Esme's about to light the candles."

"Not before she's put money in the Puske she won't! We've simply got to beat the Volturi this week, last week they gave 52 million Euros, so this week I think we should triple it" Hang on. That wasn't Edward's voice…

"Emmett, What are you doing on Edward's phone?!"

"Erm... nothing"

"Emmett?!"

"Sorry, Edward's too absorbed in how they are removing the cover, silver headpieces, bells and pointer from the Torah before they can read it." There was a long pause… I wonder what's taking them so long…

"Ok, they're done. We'll be there in about 5.2 seconds."

"Good."

"Bells, you done talking to Edward, I need some help changing these stupid phone settings. The answer message just won't record" Alice yelled as she growled into the handset

"Yes, I'm done. Ok and make sure that you've hidden all of the PSPs and the Nintendo Wii. We don't want the boys to be tempted or anything. You know it's against the 39 melachot."

"May HASHEM bless you and safe guard you my children" Carlisle positively yelled as he walked through the door.

"Erm, he may had had a bit too much wine at the synagogue, he couldn't get enough when it came to the Kiddush, he kept going up for more" Edward sniggered into Bella ear

"You didn't drink any did you?"

"No. Only men over the age of Bar Mitzvah do Kiddush over the wine. Besides I think it's vile stuff. Blood would be much more appetising. Just like the Christians believe it's blood. We should have gone to church instead."

"Don't say that too loud. Carlisle's great grandmother was Jewish remember."

"Yes, but his father was a devout Christian."

"Come on guys, stop you chit chat. I'm bored" Emmett boomed. "Lets get this over and done with"

"Esme, be a dear and light the candle, so we can all sit down to dinner" Carlisle asked, the sweetest puppy dog look on his irresistible face

"But Jazz isn't back, and the pups aren't here. What are we going to do with all the food I've spent all day preparing?"

"Are you sure you've done everything? Have you sprinkled the challot -the cover of which represents the dew which covered the manna in the wilderness- with salt?"

"HAVE I DONE EVERYTHING!? CARLISLE CULLEN are you SERIOUSLY asking ME THAT!?"

"Sorry, dear. I was just making sure."

"Oh just get on with the Shema...."

"But Jasper..."

"He's on his way," Edward mumbled. "Surely you can smell the wolves by now?"

"Wolves is a bit derogatory dear, pups is much kinder" Esme chortled

"Sorry mother"

"Evening ma'am" Everyone turned to see jasper stood in a salute in the door way. "One pack of wolves. Anything else I can get you?"

"Sweetie I just told Edward off for calling them wolves, animals have feelings too you know"

"Yes, surely you should know that better than anyone, eh son?" Carlisle added.

"Yes mother, but I think they actually prefer wolves..."

"Yeah, Seth may be a pup but I'd like to think I was a bit more mature than that now." Jacob added tentatively.

"Of course, Jake. Now do come and sit then we can begin." Esme said, lighting the two candles as the housewife does.

Now Rose, why don't you remove the decke?" Silence "Rose?"

"Emmett, be a dear and find her."

"Not a good idea mother, I think we all know which of the 39 melachot will be broken if Emmett finds her!"

"Moot point bro!"

"Well Alice go then."

"Why me" she shrieked in protest before storming off upstairs

"OH MY, ESME, CARLISLE COME QUICK" Alice yelled


End file.
